


The Moon, The Sun

by rathertinybean



Category: Phan, Phandom (YouTube RPF), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: 2009 mentions, 2015 - Freeform, Amazingphil & Danisnotonfire RPF - Freeform, Angst, Blood, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Dan, Coming Out, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gore, Grinding, M/M, Multi, Murder, Sad, Sex, Smut, Violence, dom!Phil, dom!dan, phanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-04-14 11:58:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4563777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rathertinybean/pseuds/rathertinybean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In London, you will find many cases of unexplainable disappearances and murders. And in London you will find passionate love and bravery. But what would happen if the two findings cross paths? </p><p>In this story you will find out about two young lovers, the friend who is responsible for such evil practices, and the tragic indelible imprint loss can place on ones psyche. Will the lovers defeat this relentless killer? The one spewing cruelty so steeped that, in contrast, death seems almost a relief, or perhaps good will always triumph against evil?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Left in the Dark

Dan is deeply ashamed of himself, pulling his duvet up to his nose. He doesn't know why he is afraid of the dark. He just is and always has been. Many people share this phobia, of course, but nearly all of them are children. Children that may eventually over-power the phobia with their soon comprehensive, realistic expectations of this world we live in.

Although this normally wouldn't be too much of a problem. But considering the fact that he has been all alone for the past week in a half is overwhelming him. He's just thankful his flatmate, Phil will be returning home tomorrow from visiting his family and Dan is looking froward to seeing him in morning. He has missed him terribly.

Dan misses him because not only does he prefer company in his living space but also because Phil has spent just about everyday with him for the last six years and are rarely apart... excluding the occasional trips to Tesco for restocking their groceries.

He misses Phil because he loves him not only as a friend but so much more than that, more than Phil may ever know if Dan were to ever tell him he felt that way in the first place. He nearly stops breathing when the thought came to him, he's been avoiding these thoughts ever since the first time they crossed his mind and where the fuck do they keep coming from? Phil is his best friend, you shouldn’t want to kiss your best friend; there are just some boundaries, that shouldn't be tampered with.

And now, even though Dan has done absolutely nothing but lay in his bed pondering, he feels like he’s tiptoeing on these lines. But they're all true, each hopeful, unrealistic thought. Tonight, he misses Phil more than he thought he possibly could miss someone and he's never felt more empty. And because... without Phil, these past nights seem longer and darker than ever.

****

The moon was slowly fading into the sky as the sun would be in its place soon, illuminating the room with in weak light, a subtle shade of blue. Dan had been woken up by the sound of movement in his doorway. Alarmed, he assumed someone or something was standing there, obviously. His mind raced irrationally with the girl from The Ring, evil things from chain-letters and mythical demons. He stuck his head out of his little blanket-burrito to see.

Once he focused his eyes better in the general direction, he recognized his flatmate smiling at him intently. His enthralling facial structure is stained in a grey tint of the poor lighting, hardly making the space around him visible. “Good morning!" Dan's face lit up momentarily upon the recognition of Phil's alluring voice but hid it well to the best of his ability. It's a very early morning for Dan. Certainly not a time he would usually be awake.

His eyebrows furrow briefly as if he did not feel the relief that came with Phil's presence, instead of the demonic creatures he was hiding from beneath his duvet. "Right, morning" he replied, groaning minimally. The older boy makes his way to the side of Dan's bed. He leans over Dan, fringe hanging off his forehead as his upper body is now completely over the others. Phil pushed his arms underneath Dan, wrapping comfortably around him, pulling him into a sensuous embrace. And Dan melted against it, burying his face into the crook of Phil's neck. The fruity scent of his body wash envelopes them pleasantly. He allows the flutter in his chest to rise and fall at the subtle skin-to-skin contact. Phil's hugs are so gentle and caring. He just gives the most precious hugs, in Dan's opinion.

He pulls back just slightly enough to look into Phil's eyes, they seemed to sparkle when the faint glow of the moonlight hit the colours of his irises. Dan glances from his eyes to the groove of his lips. That fluttering sensation continues to fill his whole chest and his dimples cave with his smile. "Wait," Phil grins, catching Dan's attention "You only wear your boxers to bed?!” he laughs "I've forgotten!" it certainly wasn't like Phil to burst into Dan's bedroom in the morning, before he's dressed.

The last time Phil has seen him like this in bed was before they even lived to together, just having a sleep-over. Phil leans back in and pulls extra tightly into the enthralling embrace before they slipped back out of it after realizing they were hugging for far too long. Dan on the other hand is fully satisfied with how the embrace lasted longer than usually intended, he always felt so safe and adored in Phil's arms. "I'll go and prepare our breakfast" Phil informs before promptly heading down the hallway for their kitchen.

Dan begins pulling his body out from the covers, he steadies himself to his feet, making his way to the kitchen to accompany Phil with the preparation. Upon entering the room, Phil asks for assistance. He wants pancakes for breakfast. So, Dan grabs a saucer pan and Phil readies the mix, accidentally leaving a mess of a trail from one end of the room to the other. After the batter is ready Dan begins pouring it into the pan, it sizzles slightly on contact.

He tends to it while the Phil rinses out the bowl and utensils in the sink before placing them in their dish-washer for more of a proper cleaning. Once finished, Phil leans over Dan's shoulder to check if they're almost done. Dan stiffens and stops what he's doing almost abruptly. "...Phil" He speaks up firmly, “this may not be the most appropriate time but if continue to breathe on my neck, I will have to.. eviscerate you" he urged and all though his facial expression played off as dead-serious, his cheeks now bloom deeply, tinted with a dark shade of pink. What Dan had thought of but hadn't actually said was ' _if you don't stop breathing on my neck I will pin you up against the wall and--_ ' but now was definitely not the time and he really should avoid such impulsively lustrous thoughts about his friend. It is inappropriate to think such things like that about a dear friend, right? Most importantly not his best friend.

He just has to finish baking their pancakes so they can have a nice breakfast together and watch something on the television and then go on about their day together... as friends. Just two platonic friends enjoying each other's company. And that is just enough to get him by for now.


	2. The Price of Pleasure

After breakfast is finished and the dishes are placed in the dish-washer the two continued watching an anime together. They're going back and forth making humorous commentary.

Phil laughed as he gave Dan a small glance. Looking in his eyes for a only a few seconds but it was enough to take his breath away. "...Phil?" Dan interrupts his concentration and pauses the show. "I know this must seem like it's coming out of nowhere..." Phil shifts his possession to face the other properly.

"There is something I've been thinking about for a while now and... it could be nothing, and it could lead to nothing. There's just something I have to try, okay? It might be weird." Phil stares at a spot on the floor quizzically as if questioning what this 'something' could be. "Okay? You have my permission. Do whatever you have to." he confirms, shrugging subtly.

Dan's nerves suddenly overwhelmed him and he felt it in every inch of his body. Quickly, he leaned in and kissed Phil's lips. He froze in complete shock. Phil's eyes were wide open once Dan pulled away and when he steadied his position again, he noticed Phil’s eyes were positively shining, almost like gemstones, making the blue of his irises look frozen over and Dan realised that gold is not his favourite colour anymore.

He leaned in again. Phil was too surprised to stop him and stared at Dan's face kissing his. When Dan pulled away, he still seemed shocked and now Dan feels as if he made things very awkward. But Phil didn’t have time to add anything before he shut his eyes quickly grabbing the back of Dan's head with his left hand and pressed his lips against the younger boy's. Dan is taken aback for a second by his passion and desperation but then melt into the kiss.

Dan's hand splayed against the small of Phil's back, the other slid down his arm, lacing their fingers together and Phil slowly pulled Dan closer to him and Dan muffled words between their mouths that he didn't consent to and it sounded like he said ' _I love you_ '. Phil's lips lingered, leading down Dan's jaw and back up. Phil kisses more desperately. His lips are so soft, Dan notes. He's never felt so safe.

They broke the kiss in haste. Neither knowing who broke the kiss, perhaps it was a joint effort. Phil tries to speak first but has trouble, his breath is heavy and lips slightly swollen. "So," he breathes "that's what you've been wanting to do?" Dan nodded as he continued "What even was that!?" Phil covered his mouth with his hands "We shouldn't have done that. That was such a bad idea."

There's genuine remorse building in the pit of Dan's stomach, that's not the response he was hoping to hear "I should have kept it bottled up then, I'm sorry." And with that Dan climbs to his feet to hide away in his room. Phil calls his name softly as he makes his exit but he doesn't acknowledge it.

 _Idiot_  Dan curses himself, locking the door behind him. _FUCKING IDIOT_  He sat himself down on the side of his bed, burying his head in his hands regretting every action. He knew this was most likely to happen, he should have prepared himself better for it. Phil is his friend, what on earth was he thinking, he cringed.

The nob on the door rattles in Phil's hand "Dan, would you open the door? We need to talk about this" Dan pauses, staring at his feet. "Dan, please" finally, he does so. Phil slumped down on the bed with Dan and they talked things over. They talked for a long while, losing track of the time.

They talked about why it wouldn't work out because of Dan's family and the way people on the internet would overreact and they had talked about how PJ has feelings for Dan so that friendship would be messy and how the entire thing would inevitably be such a huge disaster. Dan did his best to hold himself together through the the whole of the conversation. And Phil seemed so sure of everything he said, as if he had thought about it before himself.

They knew it couldn't happen, they both knew and that was all Dan needed to ponder about in order to realise the mess of events that could have unfolded. He had to think realistically and not let his heart think for him.

"Well, I guess I'll go edit my video before it gets too late then." Dan said ending the long conversation. Phil placed a hand on Dan's knee giving him a squeeze before releasing his grip and stood up to leave the room but stopped at the doorway. Dan sat in bed placing a laptop at his side.

"...Hey, Dan?" he looks up waiting for a response Dan lowered the lid of his laptop to draw his attention to what was most important, 

"Hm?"

"We agreed to remain friends... I mean.. Even years from now will we still be there for each other? ...We will be best friends forever, right?"

"...Yes, of course we will."

Dan admitted adoring how the sentence escaped Phil's mouth. Phil smiled timidly but Dan's expression quickly faded into sorrow as Phil quietly left the room. Dan continued to work on his project for the remainder of the evening.


	3. The British Are Coming ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Around 3:00am Dan finally finished editing the bits of his new video together, matching the audio with sound. He spins the chair around and makes his way to Phil's bedroom with the laptop in hand, hoping he's still awake.

Thankfully, he's sat back against the board of his bed playing on his cell phone, his hair is ruffled from squirming into such a position. He looks so adorable and petite in Dan's eyes.

"So, I think I'm done editing, preview it for me, will you?" Dan asks softly, breaking the silence. Phil agreed with a smile and put his phone aside. Dan threw himself on the bed next to the older boy as his centre of balance shifted and began the video.

***

After Phil rated Dan's video a "ten out of ten on the 'awkward scenarios' scale" he put his laptop away, deciding to post it at a later time. Dan sighed and threw himself back against his friends soft bed and look in his general direction, Phil lethargically checks his social media perhaps for the last time before he readies himself for slumber.

Dan finds comfort in laying innocently in this bed with Phil for some reason... Maybe his intention of this isn't very innocent actually... The bed makes little noises as Phil shifts his front in Dan's direction. "Are you tired?" he asks. "Pfft, it's not even five yet, Phil." Dan gawked in response. Phil giggles and Dan cannot hold down his smile.

Phil’s own night was restless. He tossed and turned, forcing himself awake from dreams with a mysterious silhouette. He knew who it was, even if his consciousness was trying to ignore this vital information. Even so, he knew that figure and in his slumber, how the hands he desperately ached for roamed his body, gripping tight and tracing the patterns of his pale skin

"Why don't we sleep in my bed tonight? together, like we did that first week we met? and we slept in my old bedroom of my parents place. I definitely miss that. like, a lot." Phil asked calmly, shutting his eyes. "That sounds rather pleasant, actually." Dan confirmed with wondering eyes, Phil is pressed up against him and they are in the perfect position for Dan to just sling his arm around Phil's waist and- "and some platonic cuddles?!" Dan inquired, "Just like we used to!" Just cuddle... Or more... Fuck! What is he doing? Phil is-- what? His friend. Just his friend... Right? Sure, Phil looks so good right now but with the way things are he just... They just can't. And he must accept that. "Yes." Phil's voice muffled against Dan's chest and he drapes his arm around Phil's waist comfortably, fitting perfectly.

All he has to do is just keep himself restrained and they should be fine. But now Phil had his own problem, and it was pressed uncomfortably against Dan's thigh. Uh, just ignore it, Dan thought. Phil would probably feel embarrassed, besides, just the thought of having sex with his friend was a bit odd. Even if he has ached for more than just this. But Phil's warmth and sweet, fruit-like scent pleasantly fills Dan's presence.

Phil's cheeks flushed and he opened his eyes, "Oh, uh." His voice is low and so tempting. "It's okay-- I mean it happens sometimes! Um." Dan paused. Phil pulls his body away from his, embarrassed. "I didn't mean-- I mean... I hope I'm not making you uncomf-- I mean," Phil's voice went up an octave. Was this not a random act? Because, Dan gets that, he does, it happens. "Sorry?" Dan exclaimed, fishing for more clues "I... I guess it was just your body against mine... Ya' know? I mean... Sorry. I don't know." Now losing control over his steady voice, Phil continued to force any explanation other than attraction.

God, Dan wants him so bad right now. What was Phil thinking about when pressed against him, he wondered. Phil tilts his head to one side and stares at Dan for a few moments, anticipating a response of reassurance but Dan wants to give him something else instead. Dan's heart began pounding so loudly he was almost certain Phil could hear. He could feel his hands begin to sweat as blood rushed to his cheeks. "D-- Dan?" His yearnings spiral out of control at his name sweetly escaping Phil's mouth, tightening all the muscles above his waist. He can't help himself.

Overwhelmed, Dan leaned forward and pressed his lips against Phil’s. Phil was too surprised to react and that familiar flutter floats in their chests from the contact. He settled into it, sharing sweet, desperate kisses that left Dan quite literally swooning.

Suddenly, Phil climbs on top of him- pinning Dan down between his knees and gently drags his lips away from the younger boy's as his fingertips graze the skin below Dan's jaw, he flinched at the first touch "Phil" he breathed, "You know how I feel about people... Touching my neck." But it felt lovely. "I know.." Phil presses his cunning smirk softly against Dan's neck as he lightly slides his right hand down and up underneath the hem of Dan's black shirt.

When he released the pressure, he admires the delicate purple shade he left. His lips are so silken and wet, like kissing raindrops. Again, he presses them firmly on the soft and sensitive skin, sending shivers down Dan's body after every last wet kiss and gentle bite. A moan escaped his lungs without his consent. Phil knew his soft spots by heart, apparently.

Phil lifts his palm to cradle Dan's cheek. Their faces are properly at level again, he kisses harder and more passionately, Dan is so taken aback by this normally bashful boy's new and saucy behaviour. He tugs Dan's bottom lip between his teeth, and Dan gasped with pleasure then Phil's tongue gently licks his lip almost like Phil wanted permission and between a smile, he welcomed it. Immediately, Dan could feel his temperature rise underneath his skin. He clasped Phil's face in his hands for a moment before running his fingers down to Phil's back and over his shoulder blades, relishing the taste of him. He groans at Dan's fevered response, low and deep in his throat, and Dan felt his belly tighten swift and hard with carnal desire.

He could feel his blood rushing out of his head and down to his waist, he shifted fractionally. Phil breaks their kiss momentarily only to tug up on Dan's shirt, he wants it off and fuck, Dan loved where this was going. Dan's eyes followed the movements of Phil's gentle hands as he pulled the shirt over Dan's head before removing his own and the feeling of his skin all over Dan's skin is very overwhelming for him.

Phil's mouth returns to Dan's neck and the grazing of his teeth send chills down Dan's spine. Phil whimpers desperately for more. His fingers tangle with Phil's raven hair and he pulled roughly. "Moan for me," He demanded, biting the inside of his own cheek in a private concession of uncertainty. He shifts around and swapped dominance, forcing Phil underneath him. It takes some effort, but he manage to pry Phil's skinny jeans off him. Dan began to unbutton his own to do the same. Phil curls his fingers into his sheets "make me" he teases. His breathing is shallow and erratic. Dan wants him so badly. He snatched Phil up by the knees so he is pressed into his mattress and pulled him down closer to Dan's waist. Dan slid slowly back on top of him, trapping him beneath, Phil's legs between his. It's so sudden that Phil releases a harsh exhale in surprise. Dan grabbed his soft, pale hands and raised them above his head. Clasped Phil's chin while his tongue explores his mouth again, and Dan surrendered to his ardent kissing.

Dan's heart fluttered rapidly and he could feel it pulsing throughout his body, all of these feelings are so intense. Phil bucks his hips against Dan's. He wants more. Phil whines impatiently, breaking the kiss. Dan pressed his smile against Phil's wanting lips, moving down to his chin, collar bones and chest, and pull back. . Dan rubbed roughly on his boxers, he could feel him, blood-hot and hard. Why is he holding back, he wondered... Because he is aware that they shouldn't be doing this? Phil moans out as Dan continued to grind against him. He bit his bottom lip and continues to grind harder.

Phil tightens his grip on the sheets above his head as Dan felt his rushed breaths against his neck, between sweet moans. "Dan please". It's unbearable. He can't resist. Phil pulls himself up from the bed, making Dan take his place. Phil climbs on top and sheds the final piece of fabrics between him and the other boy, in haste. He's so impatient, Dan loved it. With his eyes closed and body against Phil's bed, he heard a draw open, rustle inside, then close. A strange noise followed by another weird sound, until he had felt Phil’s lips up by his throat again. He landed them below Dan's earlobe and kissed gracefully with delicacy. His whole neck tingled pleasantly.

Phil breathed next to his ear: “Ready?” before Dan knew it, he could feel Phil’s finger teasing at his rim before sliding in. Phil grips Dan's hip tightly with his free hand as he adds another finger and another, making Dan wince. He felt Phil pull in, curling and uncurling all three fingers and pull them out slowly. He then places himself inside and together they began to move.

Phil bucks again and again into Dan. And Dan felt him rise and fall, and as they establish a rhythm, he moved his hand around to the apex of Dan's thighs, and gently teased at Dan's length with deft fingers. He felt the familiar build of pleasure, bunching deep and thick inside of him. He moans again, and he is all sensation, eyes tightly closed. Being pressed lightly and then deeply into the mattress over and over. His voice at Dan's ear, his breath on Dan's neck, pleasure radiating out from where his breath teased skin and where Dan felt him slam deep inside.

Dan's mind is racing from teasing and grinding and biting, hair pulling and a hand against his front, his neck and scratching and roughness and moaning and "FUCK!" he cried out, Phil is slamming further into him, against his prostate, his breath hissed through his teeth. He ran his nose along Phil's jaw and softly leave kisses along his throat, his cheek, his temple as Dan laid below him. He moved his left hand along his length and Phil forced it away to continue teasing with his own hand.

Dan moaned loudly and dug the tips on his fingers at Phil's back. Phil began to pump his hand to the rhythm of their waists. Dan's voice is hoarse as he pushed himself against the other. He began to moan even louder. Phil captures his mouth once more. Picking up the pace in movements Phil gently planted soft kisses on Dan's chest, and quickened pace, and suddenly they are at lost. A mere poetry of limbs. The body takes control, craving release Dan clutched Phil's thighs and rammed themselves together one last time and as Phil climaxed inside of him and Dan in Phil's hand.

Dan's name escaped Phil's pale pink lips as Dan arched his back and groaned. The tone of his voice sends collective chills down Dan's spine. He pulls out after they finished off and laid at Dan's side, the younger boy's hands feeling the smooth, sculpted lines of his pale back. Dan held Phil in his arms.

"Actually, I may be a bit tired," Dan muttered into his neck. Phil smiled gleefully and held Dan tightly. Laying there now, Dan finally came to grips with his feelings for his petite friend and his sleepy eyes, messy hair, the cute shape of his nose and especially his soft pink lips... Of course Dan has always loved him, but this changes things.

He hasn't a clue if Phil loves him back. He pondered briefly and hoped for this to be more than a one time thing. What has he done? What have they done collectively? What about their conversation and how everyone will react? And poor PJ, what will he think of them? Are they setting ourselves up for trial and error? Instantly, Dan is filled with utter regret and yet comfort as Phil is slowly tangling his thin fingers in and out of his hair, breathing slower, eyes shut in tiresome contentment.

Our bodies gently intertwined as we radiate heat. I relax listening to Phil’s calming breaths, I drift off to sleep in utmost comfort, blinking, slowly, lethargically.


	4. A Thirst Never Quenched

A tall man is standing still at the end of an empty street, eyeing the women in his view. His curls framed his tanned face as an unsettling smile spread across it. Normally, the man looks like a standard prince out of a storybook. But tonight he was re-writing the story.

The woman had just finished her night shift and lock up the restaurant for the night. She sat down on a nearby bench, what she was for now he didn't know and soon it wouldn't matter anyway. She was a nice looking lady with thin rectangular glasses and wavy red hair, her lips crinkled on the ends when she read across something from the book she now held in her hands, flipping a page in a deft motion with her nimble fingers. 

She jerked her head in the direction of the man. His shoes squeaked uncomfortably once he sat by her side. When she spoke, her voice gave him chills. The moonlight catches a soft, dim light in in the mans light green eyes before he looks away to burrow his hand into his pocket holding whatever it was against his palm. 

"May I help you?" She asks sarcastically, clutching her purse. "You may!" he smiles, "I just wanted some kind company-- nothing more, just company I implore you." The woman loosens her grip. She remains skeptical but calm "I'm Jenny" she says, holding out a hand, the man shakes it firmly "Well, I'm PJ, nice to meet you." they get lost in conversation for over two hours and they've already learned quite a bit about each other.

She's a very pleasant lady, rather quirky in his eyes. "Well, aren't you quite the charmer!" she laughs after PJ spoke kindly to her characteristic traits" and rather fit if I do say so myself." she admits flirtatiously biting her bottom lip and PJ just laughs shake his head "Why thank you but I'm actually not attracted to women." she proceeds apologies and he reassured her that he wasn't offended in the slightest.

"Now, I certainly hope you don't take this as a comment on that little misunderstanding because..." the last word lingered softly out his mouth "it's nothing personal, this was the plan all along." he smiled, his hand reached back down his pocket and the curved brass touches his fingers and he pulls out the large pocket knife and plunged it into her abdomen. 

Jenny tries to scream but he clasped his hand against her mouth. He twists the dimmed metal deeper into her while blood seeped through her grey shirt and down through the holes of the bench, dripping onto the pavement. It hadn’t occurred to her that she was in fact crying, until she felt warmth blossom on her cheeks. PJ pulls it out of the her before repeating the action, grinning as the metal ripping through her flesh. A whimper escaped from between her chapped lips and how it sent a rush of adrenaline throughout PJ's body, up and down his spine.

She manages to gather enough strength to pull herself away and onto her feet, only to be slammed back down against the bench and something inside her broke under the force. And even though his hand had released her face, she didn't scream, at least not loud enough to echo throughout the abandoned area. 

Her eyes widened in horror, the way his soft green eyes are now empty and dark, looking deeply as the life drained from hers. Gleefully watching her life escaping the vessel in satisfaction. Jenny's body is now displayed on the bench for onlookers to find and take care of for him. The cold air caressed the his exposed skin gently and sent shivers down his spine on the walk home, satisfied with his latest work. He will be seeing Dan, Phil, and Chris in a few hours so he thought it'd be best to hurry home and get himself washed up.


	5. The Martyr and the Lover

Dan woke up naked. His whole body was sore and tiresome. He squinted around the room remembering everything that happened last night. It wasn't a dream. This isn't his bedroom. He shut his eyes tightly, and then settled back against Phil's pillows. He let the scent linger again from the fabric before working up enough courage to face him.

Dan entered the lounge to find Phil sat at the sofa sipping his early morning coffee, his hair is pushed back messily away from his forehead. He looks entirely too innocent and small for a man of twenty-eight. "Good Morning" Dan greeted. Phil drew his attention to Dan only for a moment, replying silently with a quick but subtle smile. 

But as soon as he noticed the love bites which traced Dan's skin down his jaw and neck, he felt a sense of shame, directing his attention back to the anime on their television. “So, what are we watching?" Phil ignored his question awkwardly. "Food Wars again?" His volume dimmed towards the end, his confidence collapsing on itself. There was a pause. He knew he had to go on about this carefully.

"Phil" he sighed, making a second attempt the conversation but sadness lingered in his voice this time. "Hm?" Phil replied hardly audible, not leaving his attention from the screen. "Please... Please, look at me." Dan begged. His body tensed up and his heartbeat quickened. He was on the verge of tears but he didn't want that, they don't need that right now. 

He walked over to the television and switch it off before taking a seat opposite from the other. Dan needed his undivided attention for this and Phil slowly realised how serious it was going to be.

"Okay--Look, about last night" he hesitates, he should've prepared something more articulated "Can we just act like it... didn't happen?" he paused, unsure of what else to say. Phil took in a deep breath and focused his gaze on the steam rising from the mug in his hands before he let his eyes bore back into Dans, his eyes reflecting a beautiful blue sky. He considered Dan's sentence for a moment. "You really don't want to talk about it?" and with that, Dan shut his eyes and nodded slightly, supporting his words. 

As much as it pains him that's the way it should be. Two years ago had been the first time the feelings had really started, although they weren't as sexual but just as strong. However, neither of them have had sex in years until recently, of course. Once all was said and done, he put their show back on and they ate breakfast in comfortable silence.

The chunks of cereal hurt as it passed through Dan's throat and his skin was sore from last night but he did his best to ignore it. The same way he ignores how he felt when he got them.


	6. Grown Men Having A Slumber Party

Regardless of the late hour, the four boy's continued to play Tokaido after ordering three boxes of pizza when suddenly they were interrupted by the sounds of various loud sirens racing toward the direction PJ was earlier that morning, they paused to acknowledge the outside interruption. "Rude" Dan says quietly and the others exchanged small smiles as Dan focused more intensely on his turn. "...Guess the crime!" Phil winks in Dan's direction and they all had a few chuckles at that. PJ laughed even harder.

Soon after, PJ and Chris fell asleep against each other on the sofa. Dan remembered how they all used to snuggle up to each other on the sofa like that while playing table-top games but they were teenagers then and it was simply platonic. Maybe it's a good thing they don't do so anymore because Dan might feel the urge to be with Phil again and they really wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pressure.

Dan placed his plate inside the dishwasher rack next to the dishes the boys used. He entered the office room to watch a movie on the laptop with Phil, they planned to watch something in the office so they wouldn't wake the other two. It was far too early for their sleep schedule to join the them in slumber.

Dan casually placed himself on top of Phil's lap, tucking his legs to the side of his thighs, resting his head against the older boy's shoulder. Such innocent contact couldn't possibly escalate to anything, Dan thought. Phil's right arm makes its way to Dan's waist and he can hear his own heart thump in his chest. On second thought, they would be better off cuddling up with Chris and PJ in the lounges. Dan doesn’t know where the boundaries are anymore now. He isn't very sure if he cares lately anyhow.

They began searching through Crunchyroll for something to watch. "Which one first?" he asks, looking at Dan like a curious pup. "SAO perhaps?" he suggests. "Sure!" Dan squirms at the tone of his voice and it sends shivers down his spine. How the hell can he turn him on with a single god damned word, he wondered. But suddenly he noticed the slight change in Phil's facial expression as he searched for the show. 

Oh, now he gets it. Dan shifts around on his lap again. With their conversation from yesterday in mind, Phil looks at him and tells him whatever he's trying to do is a bad idea.. but Dan doesn't listen, he understands how to get what he wants out of Phil now. His hand tightens around Phil's hair at the nape, holding him firmly in place and the other hand lingers to caress Phil's thigh. Dan squirms once more on his lap, grinding in deeper between his thighs and the air hisses between his teeth.. his member starts to push against Dan's ass. Curse the fabrics of their clothes for being in the way.

"We wouldn't want Chris and PJ to hear us, stop that." he pleas but it only gives Dan more of a rush, he slips his hand down the front of Phil's pants and places his smirk onto Phil's light pink lips. And just like that, Phil is at a lost, under his whim again. He pulls away from Dan's fervid kissing, trying to catch his breath "Dan, not now" his eyes remain close but he tugs gently on Dan's arm, to get it off of himself. 

With guilt, Dan removes his hand. "When they leave.." Phil promises "when they leave we can but now is to risky" he clears his throat, trying to regain composure.

Phil really wants to have sex with him again? Dan bites his lip and smiles "but that's what makes this so interesting!" Phil placed his gaze upon Dan again, awaiting an explanation. "I want to take risks. I don't care about what we agreed to anymore. Make moan sweetly and increase the danger. Do what we agreed we wouldn't do and do it with utter passion." 

Dan plants another kiss on him. Phil groans at his bargain. He gropes Dan's butt and slides him closer, he kisses firmly-- wanting. He cups Dan's ass and throws him onto the couch and Dan becomes immobile, unsure of how to react. He slides his palms against Dan's chest, brushing over his nipples, pushing the hem of his shirt up in the process. 

Phil continued his way onto Dan's chest, leaving rough kisses behind until he reached Dan's pants, he tugs hard, pulling them down roughly-- exposing Dan's waist Phil teases his member with both hands before placing a kiss on the tip of it. Dan winced and Phil wraps his lips around Dan's member. Sucking and tugging. Flicking his tongue at the rim of the head. Dan's hands tangle in his ebony hair. 

He does his best not to buck, causing him to tug roughly. Phil sucks harder and his legs become weak. The older boy breathed on the skin, deep-throating him and he shoved a moan down his throat. Making vibrations, Dan moans loudly and unexpectedly. They engulf theirselves in blissful indulgence but it didn't last long because they began to hear subtle noises in the doorway, in utter guilt, they caught sight of their very alarmed friend, PJ.


	7. Nostalgia Lacks Mercy

The startled couple broke apart. Collecting themselves and creating a large space between them in the process. PJ stiffened, heart pounding, muscles contracting, unsure how to cope with such a situation. "Uh, PJ!" Dan exclaimed nervously, still on edge from the interruption. "Oh--Excuse me, my apologies!" Quickly, he turned his back to them and left the way he had come in.

The shock began to wash away, confusion seeping in unbidden admidst the growing anger. He didn't stop until he reached the bathroom, shutting the door abruptly behind him. He hit the wall and slid down until he landed on the bathroom tiles with small thud. He wanted to doze off next to Chris again like nothing had happened, like he had never seen it, but sleep would not come now. Tears came instead. They seeped.

His whole world was falling apart and all he could do was cry quietly. When he tried to concentrate on what had happened and make sense of it, a dull headache developed in his right temple. He could feel the urges slowly coming back again and he clenched his teeth in protest. His friends had talked to him before about destructive behavior, so he resisted the urge the best he could.

Little did they know exactly what they were and how often he acted upon them. But this time there is a reason to. That reason being Dan. He was the one who caused the inception of these feelings in the first place and that thought angers PJ exponentially more. He must kill Dan. In his sleep, or while he's relaxed in Phil's dainty arms. Maybe from behind him while he's distracted or while making eye contact, then they'll finally see each other for what they really are, watching as his blood trails down PJ's hand beautifully.

This soothed him. He wanted to stare into Dan's eyes as everything he held dear to him slowly faded away, emptied. But PJ couldn't do it-- He wanted to but he couldn't. He began to convince himself that he despised everything about Dan. That should make it easier, destroy the emotional attachment.

Convince himself that he can't stand seeing Dan by his side anymore. That he despises seeing Dan sitting on top of his bed, fingers pressed into the fabric as he props up his weight, sheets wrinkling under his fingers--clenched so beautifully-- and eyes half-lidded. He needed to convince himself that he couldn't stand the very sight of Dan's soft skin and almond-shaped eyes. He tries but to his surprise he just doesn't have the strength of will to do it.

He wants to hold a blade to him, to slice into the boy’s throat, yet in tandem with that desire he wants to kiss him, savagely. So, how does this work then? If he's devoid of emotion like he thought then how is it that he knows how to love Dan? Because he does. He's always loved everything about him. He loves his creativity and gentleness. He loves the way he feels in Dan's careful embrace after long departure. He loves the way he carries himself and all of his expression.

However, he loathed what he saw in that office today. And even though he enjoyed the time spent filming together, he hated how Phil always managed to catch all of Dan's attention. Every. God. Damned. Time. The comforting feeling abaited, replaced by silence and a strange sense of emptiness. But most of all he hates himself for allowing Dan to impact him so greatly.

Suddenly, his thoughts are interrupted by a light knock on the bathroom door followed by Phil's voice "Peej?" he called using PJ's nickname. His voice is low, all timidity and politeness. "Uh-- Yeah, I just... I'm sorry for walking in on... that. I'll be fine, I just need a moment, really." He replied, trying to keep his voice from wavering. There was a pause, and then, "Whenever you're ready then." Phil replied before presumably retreating back to the lounge. Of course, PJ scowled. Dan didn't even care enough to be the one to check up on him.

Dan had to send that bitch out to see how he was feeling because he didn't want to deal with it. PJ remembered the day he told Dan. The day he spilled his guts out and told that asshole everything. He decided it would be best to stay in the bathroom longer than he had previously intended, he didn’t want to look like had been crying. And maybe if he stayed in there long enough everyone would forget and go to sleep. But there was another knock against the door. Chris had been woken up, probably by Phil, and he wanted to talk.

God, PJ was sick of talking. Even though Chris was his best friend, he didn't have a clue about his feelings for Dan, it was like a secret and keeping secrets could offend him. After all once you trust someone to be that close you can't help but to share everything. But this time was different. "Peej, you in there?" Chris called. PJ hesitated,but the time had come and he must face it.

How does he explain himself without revealing his cruelty? PJ knows his work is frowned upon. He never tried to convince himself to have any real humanity, and he certainly didn't tell himself that what he does is all right by any stretch of the imagination. He wouldn't let that logic get in his way. He enjoyed it nonetheless and he couldn't risk hurting his friends.

The urges were out of his control and getting rid of them made him all better. They are rather unidentifiable urges, and that made him uneasy. Creating the work he does to release them makes him feel an overwhelming sense of delight and glorious relief. He just wishes Chris could understand that. He tangled his fingers through his hair, locking the strands in his fists. He bit his tongue until the urge to cry subsided and he was sure he was in control of himself. He didn't want to explain any of this to Chris. Not the urges, lack of genuine emotions and certainly not how the only way he could ever feel, truly feel, was when he was with Dan or holding a knife in hand, blade in a body.

His breathing slowed and his heartbeat decelerated, and he abruptly realized that he did not know what he was going to say to his best friend. He couldn't figure it out now, he was out of time. He felt miserable. "PJ," Chris spoke up tentatively

"Hm?" he replied, opening the door to let Chris in.

"Do ya' wanna chat about whatever the hell just happened? What'd I miss? I guess you really do lose if... you... snooze."

PJ paused and then, "Yeah, we need to talk. This conversation is long over-due actually." He confessed, chuckling a little at Chris's dorky attempt to make him smile... It worked. PJ sat down against the wall again and Chris followed suit. This was it, he hadto start from the beginning.

"In order to explain this I'll have to start from the very, very beginning, in 2009... Phil and I were really close and I actually had met Dan just weeks prior. Phil is the one who introduced us. We were at my parents place..."

_PJ shot a sheepish smile in the young boy's direction. Dan was seated on the bed. PJ exited the room. He went to collect coffees from the kitchen, head spinning as he placed his hand on the cup, filling it with the beverage. Fuck, why was it so cold? Or rather: why was his skin burning hot? Suddenly, he realised the dampness around his collar, and how his cheeks seemed to radiate heat. Was this what it was like to be nervous? Why would he nervous?_

_When he reached his bedroom again his focus turned to Dan's laughter. Phil sat across from him... being the cause. Why didn't Dan ever laugh that way when he said something amusing, he wondered._

_"Okay, I should get home before my mum worries." Phil pointed out, glancing down at his phone. "I wish she'd let me stay longer but I have to go to that weird reunion thing," he added. The other two agreed and said their goodbyes._

_It was just PJ and Dan now, alone together. "Look at that one! Jesus Christ!" Dan laughed, pointing at the television screen. He hadn't realised it but he latched onto the upper half of PJ's thigh in excitement. PJ could feel it in every inch of his body, like tiny bubbles of joy are floating inside of him from contact. It overwhelmed him._

_"Sorry, ha" Dan released his grip on the other boy. PJ chuckled, relaxing at his side, breathing in the subtle peppermint scent eminating from Dan's body. He paused, taking his eyes off the screen to lay them on PJ. He blushed "Now that we're alone, there's something I want to ask you about." Dan said. The sight of his cute messy hair and flushed red face made PJ's heart pound harder._

_Dan was acting like he wanted to kiss him but PJ didn't want to assume anything, he definitely didn't want to do anything Dan didn't whole-heartedly consent to. "Do you think Phil and I would make a cute couple?" he asked_

_Shit, "Oh, I guess," PJ said after the initial shock wore off, and even then he only said it because that's what you're supposed to say._

_"I mean, I'm not gay or anything but people always say we would and I don't know. I think they're right." Dan added, staring at the floor._

_What a strange thing to say, PJ thought. "Maybe. But if... you were gay... maybe we would be cute together." PJ said, regreting every word that escaped his mouth._

_"What makes you say that?" He laughed, furrowing his brows_

_"Well-- because... I am gay and I... think we would."_

_"Oh."_

_"It's okay, I'm just speaking hypothetically." PJ laughed trying to brush it off like it was no big deal to him._

It was and it still is a big deal to him. He had developed a faintly queasy feeling in his stomach that gradually gave way to a violent, roiling nausea, and the dull throbbing in his temple spread rapidly into a splitting headache. Chris took notice of his sudden silence. A torrent of concern washed through Chris and out of him, leaving a barren wasteland composed of uncertainty and fear.

"You’re so quiet."

"Sorry?" PJ replied.

"You were talking away there and then you got really quiet."

"Uh."

"Are you feeling sad?"

"Sad?" His brow furrowed briefly as if he didn't understand the simple question.

"Peej, you look sad."

"No, no," he said with raised hands.

"I'm okay." He closed his eyes, and opened them again. He desperately wanted to get the hell out of there, but if he burst out of the flat, Chris might follow and he couldn't take that risk, he couldn't let Chris get caught up in his antics. "I think I'll head for home actually. I have to go over some things in the morning for my next project, thanks for putting up with me." PJ half-lied, and Chris took the bait. Tonight, another stranger would fall victim.


	8. Fire Bug

Once he was alone out in the streets, PJ pulled out a list from his backpack. In his spare time he writes down the names and addresses of his next victims. He decided a long time ago if he were to continue this practice, he'd have the safest route in knowing as much as he can about them without knowing them personally. He is low on supplies, not realising he would act upon his urges tonight. He will have to be creative with what he has and it is much more exhilarating that way.

PJ unfolds the small material in his hands. And the name Darnell Eason is scribbled across the sheet with side notes. Perfect, lives alone and his place is close by. PJ still feels off from the incident that took place earlier but he does what he can to brush it off. 

There is no way he'll let that nonsense interfere with his artwork. Still, he is unnerved at how lonely the night streets looked this hour in the, bare of traffic, washed by the yellowish light of the sodium-streetlamps.

He is finally nearing the area, no shops, restaurants or bars within a couple of blocks. He catches sight of the small rugged house, cautiously keeping an eye on his surroundings in great care not to attract any attention.

PJ followed the fence to the back of the house. “stepped carefully over small heaps of garbage —beer cans, plastic soda bottles, and plenty more items of litter — once he arrived at the back entrance, he picked the lock. The rusted hinges creaked lightly as he pushed the door open.

He took a good look around, found a garage and spotted a pair of chain links and box-tape. He grabs them and slips them into him bag. With the other materials in his backpack in mind, PJ a plan on what he is going to do. He slowly makes his way down the hall, pausing when the floor creeks beneath his weight. The last thing he wants to do is wake the man.

The bedroom door is opened just slightly enough for PJ to slip through and he does. Darnell rests comfortably in his king-sized bed. Odd, for a single man living alone. PJ pushed his judgment away to focus on his work. The man snores loudly as PJ made his way to the side of the bed. Slowly securing the links to it. PJ's breath hitches at the small rattling noises they make but [name] must be a heavy sleeper because he simply snores over the noise.

And so far, everything is working in PJ's favour. He rummaged through the bag in search for his lighter, when he finds it he sets it down on Darnell's bedside table to clean things up before he completes his work.

He picked clean and cleared away anything from the house that could be traced back to him. He flung his back pack on and picks up the lighter. There's hesitance in his action. What fun would this be if he doesn't get to hear the man's cries of horror?

PJ pours the tank of gasoline on and around Darnell and he woke abruptly. His eyes opened wide, confused. But to PJ's disappointment, Darnell did not burst into tears, but he looked tired and a little grey before the surprise snuck upon his expression. He murmured aggressively against the tape on his mouth. He tugged his arms towards PJ but his body is restricted by the chain-links.

Ah, there it is. The fear, the confusion, what PJ thrives in. He picks up the light calmly, smiling. The light flickers as PJ moves the flame towards the bedsheets. He had no difficulty imagining the aftermath already wild with excitement, he can already see it playing out in his head. A small flare like a fire primed with starter fluid, building and spreading, toasting Darnell as crisp as a marshmallow. Such heartwarming thoughts.

The flame caught ahold of the bedding and splayed a pasmodic death dance across the sheets. Darnell stares down at his body hopelessly as his skin peel off in the fire, flesh bubbling and smoking.

PJ smiles amused with his work. His hair  
whooshing like a torch, eyes melting, teeth turning coal-black as flames seared his tongue and followed his breath down his throat into his lungs.

So much better than what PJ had imagined. Suddenly, the heat and smoke became so heavy that he had trouble drawing breath, so he gathered himself and left.

But oddly enough, he is still feeling the urges. Why is he still feeling his urges? This isn't normal. They're supposed to subside now. Why the fuck are they still here taunting him?

He knows why. He knew this kill wouldn't be successful but he still had to try. This was meant to be Dan. He still has the need to kill Dan. Fuck it, it's about damn time anyways, isn't it?


	9. A Pessimist Who Fell In Love With The Optimist

Dan stood from the sofa in the office. PJ left hours ago and Chris left a while after that... so why hasn't Phil returned? “Phil?” he called from the doorway. “Phil? Phil!” Finally he got a reply and the sound seemed to resonate in his own bedroom. He sighed and made his way to it. When he arrives there is no trace of his lover. Dan stood at the side of his own bed, back vulnerable to the doorway. He called again, louder. He is starting to get annoyed with Phil's antics.

Suddenly, he heard the harsh thudding of feet on the carpet getting closer and closer behind him, but before he even had the chance to face the noises direction, he is tackled to his bed. He remained against it, laughing. Dan detected a trace of a moisturising lotion of some sort mingled with a pleasant scent of warm skin and recently shampooed hair.

He shifted his direction with struggle to see Phil laying on top of him as his welcome weight pushing him into the bed sheets. "Surprise!” He giggled "I startled you! I actually got you!" He mocked gleefully and his tongue pokes out through the side of his smile.

Dan furrowed his brows and grinned. He placed plenty of soft kisses on Phil's cheeks and lips and Phil's eyes seemed to sparkle beautifully. Phil fell to the side and pulled his glasses of before he pressed his head against one of Dan's pillows. Dan smiled once more and closed the small gap that was made from separation between their bodies. They slowly drifted into comfortable slumber.

Meanwhile, the latch in the doorknob clicked and hitched and PJ let himself in. Although his need was great, he forced himself to wait for his eyes to adjust to the gloom and slipped into the living space.  He closed the door as gently as he could and stood with his back to it.

He paused at the foot of the stairs and made one last feeble attempt to overcome his murderous compulsion for his friend. Failing he shuddered and let out his pent-up breath. He began to climb toward the bedrooms, where the two were most likely sleeping.

He keeps himself close to the wall, where the steps were less likely to squeak. He wouldn't want to wake Dan. He doesn't have to worry about his soon to be boyfriend though, he is a heavy sleeper. Now, PJ isn't weightless of course but graceful and light on his feet, and if some of the stair treads were loose or tired with age, they did not make any noise underneath his feet. He has had plenty of practice for these sort of situations.

In the upstairs hall he paused, listening. Nothing. He crept to the first door on the right, eased it open further than what it was and stepped inside. Dan's bedroom. He noticed the top part of the bed first. The board is framed small fairy-lights, which hardly serve a purpose. They are not bright enough to light the room in the slightest. PJ scoffs how could the idiot sleep with a light on anyway.

A moment later he was also able to catch visual the rest of the chromosome patterned bed and, dimly, the huddled form of two bodies lying under a dark duvet that was vaguely phosphorescent. Shit. Phil was in here as well. PJ can't risk being sighted by Phil. It would make their relationship messy. Decidedly, due to this unconvince, he will have to kill after he got rest. Dan's time will come but tonight isn't a good time, PJ decided.

He cautiously fleets the building and by the time he reached his bedroom he was nearly overwhelmed with sleepiness, and the walk home had taken the last of his energy. He fell into his bed, tugging up at the blanket below his feet and covered himself in it. His head is already filled with thoughts on the ways he would take Dan's life.

****

Dan woke to his older companion gently stroking his fingers through his hair, waking up to his boyfriend? From the short rest. Phil takes a small sip from a coffee mug before send a soft smiling in his direction. It looks like Phil has been up for a while now and just decided to let him sleep in for a little longer.

"Do you believe in fate?" Phil asked

Dan contemplated the question momentarily, alarmed. Where on earth did that question come from? Dan just smiles, Phil always asks strange and irrelevant questions. He has a rather odd personality but Dan finds it endearing. "Well. . . No, but regardless I don't like the idea."

"Why?"

"It's just inconvenient."

"What do you mean?"

Dan gave him a sigh. "I just don't." He took another sip of his coffee before explaining. "I don't like the idea that my life had been funneled inexorably to tiny spots on the surface of this planet, at every minute among the trillions of minutes that composed the flow of history and future. The concept makes us helpless, adrift. I want to be in total control of my life but how could I be in control if I end up in the same place as fate intended anyways? From the very start of my existence to the end. It would be all drawn out for us and we would have absolutely no control of it. What would be the point of that?"

Phil didn't know what to say, he staired at the mug in his hands. This concerned Dan but he just smiles again. He can't help but smile because they can still surprise each other. Even in spite of spending so much time together, they remain fresh to each other, and he was still the most interesting and appealing person he has ever had the pleasure of knowing.

"I only ask because-- Well," Phil struggles for the right words momentarily. "Because even though it was decided that we wouldn't do this sort of thing anymore, we did. It was like we had no control over ourselves and I truly believe that we will always be drawn to each other, it's inevitable. And I think. . . I think we belong together. I have always thought that but I never wanted to believe it, ya' know? There could be so many complications and just. . ." He stopped there was nothing more he could say. Dan understood.

"Then maybe we should be together. Actually together. If that is okay with you?"

"So, you want to date?" Phil inquiries childishly

"Well, yeah. Ha."

"That would be great actually. Whatever happens now is worth it. Being with you and truly being with you. Anything we will have to face now is worth it to me."

Dan smiles at him again and pulls himself up to lean against Phil's side. He has everything he has ever wanted at his side and he couldn't be happier. He can't wait to see what the rest of this day holds for them. What the future holds for them.


	10. You Take My Breath Away

The cold of the lake washed over a small child, biting into him, as the river gushed around his legs, eager to pull him over and carry him away. He steadied his stance, adjusting his fishing suit in the process.

His father assured him he would be back soon, he had to grab some more bait in the fishing shop a mile or two away. This isn't the first time the boy had fished alone so he will be just fine. After all he is of eight years now, he should handle himself well enough in time for his father to come back and join him.

PJ smiles at the sight as he relaxes on shore, unseen. He remembers when he was that young. The memories play out through his head as he remembers his first kill. The day he killed his pet rabbit. He remembers how it happened as if it happened only yesterday. 

He was so young then. The door to the rabbit cage creaked when he swung it opened, he raised the hammer in his hand. He bit down on his lip to keep his teeth from chattering. Carefully, he aimed the larger end for the neck of the animal. He hesitated. Not for a conflict of conscience but for the fear that the bunny would leap out of his aim. He wouldn't allow that to happened. He slammed the tool into its neck.

It crunched under the metal with surprising force. The bunny leaped out of the cage and into the snow on the ground, trying to put as much distance between itself and the boy as possible. It bounced around wildly, pushing itself through the snow in small circles. PJ approached the animal, that was now on its side, kicking its feet in the air. It was dying.

PJ repeated his action, slamming the hammer into its neck, harder this time. Oh, how he loved the sounds its body made. Its feet kicked less forcefully now. The pink eyes were glazed over and blood stain its white fur. PJ grabbed at its body, examining its beauty. He felt calmer after his actions. More at peace. He smiled at it, his first kill. May there be more, he wondered excitedly. He just show his work to the one he trusted the most.

He reached down and wrapped his fingers tightly around the leg of the animal and begun dragging it. It twitch and jerked as he pulled at it, leaving a trail of red in the mist of cold white sheets. The bunny was harder to pull than he thought, it was mostly his size after all. He found her sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch. She faltered a bit when he handed the rabbit over to her and blood stained her hands. "Look, mum! Look-it!" he gleamed

"W-- What have you. . ."

"Isn't it pretty, mummy? Had I not done a wonderful thing?" PJ replied wearily

She examined the bunny carefully, then looked up at the little boy, the beginnings of a wriggling fear showing in her eyes. "What have you done?!" she stammered under her breath.

"Why aren't you happy for me, mummy?!" he snapped.

"Get out of my sight." she demanded under her breath, hardly audible.

"What's wron--"

"Get out of my sight!!" she screamed, back handing her son, he fell from the force of her hand before running to his bedroom like he was told.

Suddenly, he snapped back out of the memories. That stupid bitch! At least he got his revenge, killing her just years later, making her his first human victim. He took a pledge to only kill stangers after that. They are harder to link back to him. Making her death look like a suicide was the hardest part. He doesn't need to think of that today though, he focused his attention back to the boy in the waters.

The boy hasn't caught a single fish yet and he is starting to let that fact play on his emotions a little. He really wants to prove to his father that he can catch one all by himself. He exerted his will, and the cold became simply a sensation, without danger, the current merely a pleasing vibration about the feet. PJ made the decision to move, slowly approaching the small boy. Encountering a thin fog that gradually thickened as he progressed onward. He forged into the shallow end of the river. It was icy cold, much swifter than he anticipated, but that didn't bother him. New strength surged through his limbs. Getting closer. His senses tingled like they would when injected with loads of caffeine.

He was close now, in a swift movement he extended his arms and hand with which he clamped the boys mouth shut, PJ could feel the boy's inhalations as his nostrils flared, followed by short, hot exhalations. He pressed the clasped hand tighter over the small mouth, arm around the neck. Indistinctive sounds of anger and shock hummed in his cheeks as his small fingers tried to pry the mans hand away from his mouth. PJ thinks the attempts of sounding so tough are cute, because he can still hear the fear in the boy’s voice. The beautiful trembling and the ‘Am I going to die?'. 

He swipes the boys feet out underneath him and the fishing pole went flying as he struggled against the man. The water rippled at their knees before PJ forced the boy over, plunging him under water. PJ enjoys the struggle. 

He lifted the boy back to surface and watched him eject water from his lungs, crying now. The first intake of air fills his lungs just in time. Only seconds later he gets pushed back into the lake. He kicks and clings to his life with all of the strength he has left.

His eyes shimmered in the water, a beautiful grey. His eyelids became heavy and suddenly the struggle was over. PJ picked up the small, now lifeless body, pushing his legs through to the deeper end of the current. He released the pale child. Pleased with himself.

Now that his work is finished for the day it would be best to leave the area as soon as possible. The father will be returning soon and PJ shouldn't be here when he does.


	11. The Galaxy In Your Eyes

"Phil?" Dan said, voice heightened slightly

"You go get it, I'm busy!" Phil assured, continuing to scroll Tumblr on the opposite side of the sofa. Dan glares back in response, assuring the other that he isn't convinced. There is another knock on the door, harder than the last.

"Phil, go get the door... I command you.."

"Command me? You are... a royal butt."

"Phil" Dan scoffed

"Yes, your highness?"

"Don't be a dick." he laughs "Go do it!" he tossed a pillow in Phil's general direction. Phil covered his mouth, smothering his giggles behind his hands. “Thou art thy dick, friendo." He straightens his posture and tilts his head upwards, pretending to be more impressive than what he truly is.

Dan sighed half-heartedly, gathering himself to leave the room and receive the Amazon packages from the mailman. Phil remains in his position on the sofa, contemplating an idea. Why are they wasting time like this, he asked himself.

It's normally very nice lounging around at home but something doesn't feel right. He knows that he is closer than ever with Dan. Phil understands that he should make every moment count; to make more memories and cherish every bit of him.

The taste of his lips and smell his hair. He never wants to forget to capture the light dancing in Dan's dark brown eyes. He wants to spend his every day listening to Dan talk about something he loves. And the way he furrows his eyebrows when they're about to kiss.

He wants to remember every single detail, because one day he will never see it again. Until the day they're old and ready for passing they will stick together until their very last breaths. So, until that day comes, he is going to overanalyse every crinkle around Dan’s eyes or twinge of his lip. And hug him with ever growing passion. Make every promise as heart-felt as possible. Love him hopelessly until, one day, fate rips them apart.

When Dan returned to the room Phil decided to pitch it. "Get ready for an adventure." He says smiling, biting at his bottom lip hesitantly. Dan stared in confusion, still holding the package.

"What? What are you on about?" Dan asked plainly

But Phil didn't answer, leading him out the doorway by hand. Dan was sort of surprised from their hands meeting. Certainly his mind had been wandering when they sat on the sofa moments ago, and it was a sudden grab. . . Phil's hand felt smaller than it should, and interestingly textured. He is so enraptured by Phil's lithe form that he was aware of little else; caring a little lesser of this sudden adventure.

The door creaked quietly as it swung closed. Phil felt a shiver inch up his spine from the subtle autumn breeze, sliding through the pieces of his dark-raven hair and shuttering against the fabric on his back. The late afternoon was alive with people as they made their way down the pavement.

Towards the other end it grew a little quieter. Phil took a turn into a small but beautiful café, it looked promising. He pushed the door open with one hand and held it for Dan to enter. The loud, poorly hung bell sounded from the top.

The place was nearly deserted aside from a loud couple near the far back and a single man on his computer seated by the entrance. On a positive note the café is much warmer than outside and the whole room smelt pleasantly of sweets.

By the time they finished their meals and conversations Phil decided to move on with the rest his plan. The sun is beginning to set now and outside the world seemed dreamlike. Phil noticed Dan's face aglow from the sun setting through the buildings and trees in the distance.

Phil held his hand most of the walk and the two talked easily, but sometimes Phil would stop speaking and just stare at him. When he did, he felt as though he should say something, but nothing meaningful ever left his mouth. He isn't as good with words as Dan is and if he were to try, he hopes every sentence would be just as impressive.

Phil managed to catch a taxi and asked the driver to take them to the Tenerife on the Canary Islands. He had previously heard from some friends that it is one of the most perfect areas for stargazing and he wants to impress Dan, he really does.

When they got there Phil realised just how under exaggerated his friends had been about the area. The sky is one of the most darkest and clearest he had ever seen. Dan positioned himself on the soft green grass. It was as if they could see the whole of the universe from that very spot and Dan truly was in awe.

Phil lowered himself steadily to the ground, laying himself down at Dan's side. Dan lifted his head to looked up at the vast galaxy displayed above them. "Isn't it mesmerising?" He asked "The empty beauty of space and the brilliance of the distant stars." He paused "Isn't it intimidating?" he added.

All of the sudden, Dan could feel the existential spiral begin to rebuild itself in haste. The worry situated in the back of his mind. And after a great deal of throat-clearing and he found that he had lost the power of speech. He doesn't want to ruin their night with unsettling thoughts.

"Dan" Phil muttered before Dan's thoughts could regain control. Dan turned his head in Phil's direction, focusing intently on his eyes.

“You are the best person I've ever met.” Phil whispered, biting his own lip to stop himself saying anything more than that. He didn’t want to ruin everything they have built into their relationship. Not when everything is still so new. He wants to confess his deeper feelings but perhaps it is just too soon for all of that. Phil wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Dan's smile stretched to the sides of his cheeks, far enough to allow his dimples to concave. "Really?! Wow, I am honoured!” He assured, raising his eyebrows. His voice matched Phil's low octave, just as quiet but not as deep, “That is quite a statement, thank you. The feeling is mutual.” Dan laughed a little, still fixated by Phil's big and bright eyes staring back at into his own.

Dan's expression relaxed. He brushed a few strands of stray black hair out of Phil's eyes and blushed a more prominent pink. He admired their gorgeous colours; cerulean with specs of green and pale yellow. 

"I really love your eyes, they're so beautiful." he wanted to say more than that but he thought it would be for the best to stopped himself, there is so much he wants Phil to know, how should he articulate all of it? Dan's contemplation came to an abrupt stop, Phil pressed his lips against Dan's. And Dan gently placed a hand on his shoulder, melting into the kiss.

"And I love you." Phil confessed, his cheeks bloomed a dark pink.

Dan's eyes slid away from his and he knew Dan was contemplating an appropriate and honest answer. He expected that, but felt a tinge of regret. That was obvious poorly timed. Why the hell is he so impulsive, he cringed.

Dan struggles to find the right response. But all he can think about is the way Phil's words escaped his mouth with such sincerity. According to him, Phil's voice was as pure as spring water and as warm as sunshine.

He didn't answer, just got up on one elbow and kissed him so deep that he swore he felt the ground gave way. He pulled back and smiled, meeting Phil's gaze. An infectious joy lifted him. Dan reached out for his hand. Phil's breath got caught in his throat and they intertwined their fingers simultaneously. 

Suddenly, he noticed that Dan's eyes were full of stars, and he hadn't realized he was still holding his breath. Dan's eyes were not uncertain, but flickering beacons of honesty. Phil wishes this night, this moment could last a little longer. Because he is like a galaxy and like a blackhole Dan consumes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the cheesiest thing i have ever written i'm sorry yikes


	12. I Have Changed And We Will Never Be The Same

Chris swallowed hard as he felt his airway shrink to the size of a pinhole. It seems like forever ago since he had rung PJ and asked to meet here. They haven't been to the top of this cliff in years. It used to be their favouite hangout spot as kids. There's not many places where you get to see stars in London with all of the lights. But here you could see an ample amount of them. The sun was slowly rising just above the water in the distance. The warm glow hitting his chilled skin.

"Hey" PJ spoke up hardly audible over the waves below crashing against the cliff.  
Chris responded with a sheepish smile  
"So why did you ask me to meet you here?" PJ asked, taking position next Chris, letting his legs hang over the edge as the other's were.  
"I'm concerned for you. You're not telling me everything and I know there's something going on. You can tell me... I'm your friend, mate."  
"No, Chris, you are not ready to hear this..."  
"You know I trust you."

PJ paused in contemplation "I know..." slowly he reached over and gently placed a hand on top of Chris's thigh, trying to convey sincerity and safeness in his actions. Chris shivered when he felt it. The warmth from PJ's hand seeped through the fabric of his jeans. Emotions rolled around inside him like bits of glass in a kaleidoscope. But Chris sensed something didn't feel right.

When they're eyes met again Chris saw small but radiant green eyes which regarded him with an icy interest. The coldness he saw startled him like nothing he'd seen before. PJ's voice felt cold and heavy. It wrapped around him like a sheet of lead. "But you shouldn't."

With an inexorable purpose in his empty green eyes. PJ snatched Chris by the coat. "Hey!" he shouts, indignant. Still alarmed, Chris tried to free himself, tried gathering himself to his feet and away from the cliff but for all his efforts he could not keep his balance, and fell against the grass with a thump. With his upper body half off the edge, PJ roughly pushed him off the rest of the way. 

There was a moment just before he fell. It felt longer than what it was. PJ's heart pounded in his chest and he felt it. Fear, remorse. Before he could stop himself from doing it, it was already done.

Before Chris could fully process the horror he went falling down with a gasp followed by a scream, kicked madly, and clawed the air with both of his hands. Face over the brink, PJ remained there stiff, watched him fall the whole way down. Chris struck a rock, bounded off, and splashed into the ruthless waters below. PJ felt nothing.

He got onto his feet and turned his back from the edge. He took a breath. Now that Chris is out of the way, no one can stop him. He made his way back to the streets and walked at a fast pace, making his way through the streets until he reached Dan and Phil's flat. He took a minute to catch his breath. 

PJ stood before the door and the light peaking out from beneath it illuminates the tips of his shoes. There were no voices coming from the other side, and he was pleasantly struck by the thought of Dan slaughtered on the sofa, blood staining the carpet and PJ's shirt. He grinned considerably.

He pushed the image aside to stick with his plan. He hit his knuckles lightly against the door. Nothing. Having given them ample time to answer, he knocks again. Another moment passed with no noise from the other side. Just as he was weighing whether or not to knock again, or text one of them, he heard the patter of feet hitting the carpet floors from inside. The door opened.

It was him. Curly hair, the colour of weathered wood. Nothing but a black shirt between his skin and the unforgiving cold. "Hello, friend!" PJ smiled, offering a hug. Dan accepted it gladly and asked him to come inside. He paused holding the door open even after PJ passed him.

He stared out it momentarily, something didn't feel right. Worry etched itself into the crinkles by his eye lids, he wasn't able to pinpoint the cause of his concern, but instinct unfolded from his gut and told him to be wary. Because the autumn weather had chilled his skin, he brought his body fully inside. He took a deep breath, taking in the cool air. The warmth of his breath steamed in front of his face, pale ribbons of vapor in the gloom. He didn't want to dwell on this peculiar feeling. Lifting his head, he straightened his shoulders, and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am soooo sorry for how long this took my life is absolutely crazy right now and going in all different directions i will do my best to add to this chapter specifically and add in the rest of what i've finish very very soon! so have this for now i just want to let you know this isn't abandoned!!!! thank you so much for reading!!! i can't wait to get the rest of the chapters out to you guys they are almost finished!


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